Egad! Peasants, we say a fond farewell to all the bumble-bees out there who are making the trip to Soldier Field this weekend. It's easy to get there. Just follow the bouncing ball. It's the one that Rex Grossman dropped! Harrrumph!

Let me also dispel the rumor that the Hack-eyes will turn to the West Coast offense against Northern Illinois. Judging from the headlines lately, cash and carry might be more like it. Kaff-kaff!

Just kidding, bumble-bees. Captain Kirk and the boys will rise to the occasion this week and tame the Huskies, who are not equipped with a Burner, or an Afterburner this year. Judging from what's been going on in DeKalb lately, they could use a good sump pump. Kaff-kaff!

When we last saw Gary Pinkel, he was still whining about the holding call that negated Missouri's go-ahead touchdown against the Cyclods. Say this about the always-lovable (think Simon Cowell in a visor - Kaff-kaff!) Tiger head coach. When sees talent, he knows what to do with it. That's right, the opposition almost always gets better - harrumph!

Not this year, though. Pinkel's Tigers defeat the mighty Illini, a decision that will springboard Mizzou to the Big 12 North championship. That's kind of a dubious distinction, isn't it? Winning that division is sort of like beating the White Sox - anybody can do it. Harrrumph!

Until next week, peasants.

HOOPLE'S PICKS

W. Virginia 38, W. Michigan 13

Iowa 20, N. Illinois 17

Michigan 48, Appalachian St. 21

Washington St. 13, Wisconsin 12

California 28, Tennessee 27

Georgia 34, Oklahoma St. 31

Nebraska 21, Nevada 10

Missouri 44, Illinois 17

Oregon 34, Houston 19

BYU 38, Arizona 28

TIE-BREAKERS

Total points (both teams) N. Illinois-Iowa: 37

Total net yards (same game): 518