Egad! Peasants, if you're looking for a rummage sale type of bargain on football, I have two choices - Kinnick Stadium or the Louisiana Superdome. Both the Hawkeyes and the Saints are very generous when it comes to giving games away - harrumph!

Alas, you bumble-bees will not be happy this weekend. Those mighty Indiana Hoosiers are going to beat your Hawkeyes once again. Egad! What a tough road trip. Not even Sarah Palin owns enough lipstick to make this look good for the Hawks. Kaff-kaff!

As for you Cyclone backers in the audience, do not adjust your set. You are not hallucinating, unless you actually believe your boys are going to a bowl this year. Harrumph!

Anyway, I am actually picking Iowa State to win a road game, The last time this happened, the Cubs still knew how to pick up ground balls and Carlos Zambrano could actually get people out. Kaff-kaff!

The Fighting Farleys will win again, making a lot of people in the UNI-Dome happy. Take note, Viking fans. This is how fans in purple behave when their team actually WINS a big game. Harrumph!

Until Tuesday, peasants.

HOOPLE'S PICKS

Indiana 27, Iowa 21

Iowa State 34, Baylor 33

UNI 28, Illinois State 16

Michigan St. 31, Northwestern 28

Illinois 44, Minnesota 14

Oklahoma 38, Texas 30

Kansas 35, Colorado 20

Texas Tech 56, Nebraska 41

N. Dakota St. 21, W. Illinois 17

Wartburg 15, Coe 12

TIE-BREAKERS

Total points (both teams), Iowa-Indiana: 48

Total net yards (same game): 687