"If you don't make it, it's your own damn 'vault.'"

So reads perhaps the worst inspirational poster in the world. It hangs on the wall of Dr. Rick Marshall's workplace, the scientist soon to be sucked into the titular "Land of the Lost."

I'm a little young to have watched the original show on TV, but I watched one episode before and one after viewing the film -- the first for a little historical perspective, the second to see how much of the movie was terrible on its own and how much was terrible because it was paying tribute to the series.

While I recognized several facets of the big-screen version as derived from the TV show, the terribleness rests mostly on the film's own contrivances.

Maybe I'm just experiencing some sort of Will Farrell burnout. His portrayal of Marshall is his regular archetype: the wacky, dumb, totally clueless guy who sucks at life but, in his deluded little head, thinks he's awesome at it. It's the basis for his W. impression and his characters in "Step Brothers," "Wedding Crashers," "Talledega Nights" � I could go on.

It's unfortunate, because Farrell is capable of turning in good, diverse performances -- "Elf" and "Stranger Than Fiction," for instance. And it's not that his dumb guy character doesn't work perfectly with a good script, as "Anchorman" and other movies have shown.

But "Land of the Lost" takes an established character, a competent one, and turns him into something of an idiot savant. I get rewriting characters -- changing Holly (Anna Friel) and Will (Danny McBride) from Rick's kids to the love interest and the skeezy sidekick opens up more plot possibilities. But turning Rick into a bumbling, egomaniacal fool serves as the low-road setup for most of the movie's jokes.

I laughed some; I grimaced more. I may have even let my mouth hang agape in shock a few times, as the humor tends to be crass funny rather than crude funny.

The CGI is fine, but the first half hour mainly made me want to cover my ears. We get it, movie people, you can make an awesome-sounding dinosaur roar. Now quit trying to make me deaf, please.

If you really, really like Will Farrell, go ahead and see it, but I'd wait until it comes out on DVD. For everyone else, let "Lost" stay lost, especially if you have fond memories of the show. I'm afraid you'd never be able to think about a routine expedition the same way again.

'Land of the Lost'

Starring: Will Ferrell, Anna Friel, Danny McBride

Director: Brad Silberling

Run time: 1 hour, 33 minutes

Rated: PG-13 for crude and sexual content and for language including a drug reference.

Now playing at: Crossroads, College Square

1/5 stars