There's an interesting story in this film, but it's told entirely within the opening credits. We see Wolverine (Hugh Jackman), a mutant who doesn't age or retain injuries, participating in a series of American wars. He fights in the Civil War, both World Wars, and Vietnam. What would cause this immortal man to participate in so many armed conflicts? Patriotism, bloodlust, boredom? Surely he found time to make friends, meet presidents, take lovers and kill lots of interesting people. But if "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" is any indication, then the title character has the distinction of being the least compelling fictional character around with the most fascinating background.

It's already difficult to feel compelled by a character that we know can't die, but the problem is compounded when the protagonist lacks a good reason to live in the first place. One would think that a man who has lived since the 1830s would have worthwhile insights or a witty quip here and there, but Wolverine's got the personality of a paper plate. His expression is limited to a frown, his intellect restricted to the single-minded desire to kill his brother, Victor (Liev Schreiber), the only other immortal person he knows. They got along for 175 years or so first, but things went sour after Victor killed Wolverine's girlfriend. A word of advice: Decent women come and go, but you only get one immortal brother. Try and get along.

Through the course of his search for Victor, Wolverine encounters an array of characters from the comic series, but none worth remembering. It concludes with a battle at Three Mile Island nuclear plant. Patrick Stewart cameos as his character from the previous films. Terrible computer imagery tries to make him look 20 years younger, but only generates a creepy synthetic countenance.

The film is a prequel to the "X-Men" movies. In the earlier films, Wolverine was a charismatic presence, a mysterious and slightly edgy figure who couldn't remember his past. This entry serves as a huge flashback, replacing the tantalizing secrecy with an anticlimactic tale of nonsensical plot developments and 1990s-era special effects.

Directed with staggering incompetence by Gavin Hood, the film supplied me with a number of unintentional laughs, and I'm not the sort who usually finds severe cinematic malpractice amusing. A key scene features Wolverine discovering his girlfriend's blood-soaked corpse, the hero screaming toward the sky as the camera pans out.

If you were in the theater with me, I was the guy laughing uproariously. Sorry if I spoiled the mood.

review

'X-Men Origins: Wolverine'

Starring: Hugh Jackman, Liev Schreiber

Director: Gavin Hood

Run time: 1 hour, 47 minutes

Rated: PG-13, for intense sequences of action and violence, and some partial nudity

Now playing at: Crossroads, College Square, Waverly Palace

1 1/2 stars out of 5