'Tis the season to catch up on the state of Aunt Trudy's bunions and Cousin Meredith's oh-so-enviable Wall Street dealings.

That's right, Christmas letters are flooding the U.S. Postal Service as you read this and making their way to your mailbox. It's the one time of year when otherwise mild-mannered Midwesterners are given free license to brag, bemoan, and even blatantly lie about the events of the past year.

Having trouble starting your holiday note? The Pulse staff is back again with their annual Christmas letter guide. Just fill in the blanks and distribute along with updated family photos and/or mugshots.

Happy holidays, __________!

a) friends and family

b) fellow Nobel Prize recipients

c) parole board members

It's hard to imagine another year has passed already. The (insert surname) family was __________ than ever in 2007.

a) busier

b) involved in more transcontinental trips

c) featured on "COPS" more

(Name of youngest child) started kindergarten and has already __________.

a) learned the alphabet

b) started instructing his/her classmates in molecular biology

c) picked up head lice - twice

And (name of other child) will spend his/her Christmas break __________.

a) at the neighborhood ice rink

b) dividing his/her time between practices with the Harvard basketball and debate teams

c) on house arrest

Of course, the past 12 months have not been without challenges. (Name of spouse) was laid off in September, but has recently secured the job of his/her dreams __________.

a) teaching mathematics at the local high school

b) brokering a peace deal in the Middle East

c) donating plasma once a week

I am still happy with my __________.

a) life as a stay-at-home parent

b) work as a world-class research scientist

c) evenings dancing at "The Flame"

However, in the coming year I plan to expand my horizons by __________.

a) volunteering for our church

b) joining NASA's next space flight to Mars

c) switching to roll-your-own cigs

Even with the new commitment, I'll still make time to check in with my parents. You might have heard that Dad gave us a scare this summer. But we're told he should make a complete recovery from __________.

a) the fracture

b) the malaria - volunteering for Doctors Without Borders is not without its risks

c) the heart attack (we have a law suit pending with Dateline's "To Catch a Predator")

In March, all of us are planning a much-deserved trip to __________.

a) the Wisconsin Dells

b) the Galapagos Islands

c) court-ordered family counseling

We wish you a happy and healthy Christmas. The holiday season finds us well-rested, thanks to __________.

a) the advent of Internet shopping

b) our hardworking housekeeping staff

c) a slow carbon monoxide leak

Best wishes in 2008,

The (insert surname) family