I have seen all six live-action Star Wars movies (I give them a D, F, B, A, A- and A). I even saw the "Star Wars: Clone Wars" series (a B+) when it aired in its entirety.

That being said, "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" doesn't add anything to the first six movies and makes a mockery of the Emmy-winning animated series that preceded it.

To be fair, I'll explain the premise of the movie. Cartoon Network soon will be home to a half-hour Star Wars serial called ? "Star Wars: The Clone Wars." (Would it kill someone to come up with some new titles?) Ostensibly, the movie is the launchpad for the series, introducing the oh-so-annoying Ahsoka Tano as Anakin Skywalker's apprentice.

Heads-up, fanboys: The series - and the movie - are not aimed at those of you in the "Family Guy" set. This is for your son, or your niece, or the little boy down the street.

That being said, there are still two problems with the new movie: the animation and the screenplay.

The animation is, for lack of a better word, stylized. Everyone is really long and weird looking. The dialogue is - and I honestly didn't think this was possible - worse than that of Episode II ("I've been dying a little bit each day since you came into my life"). It is obvious that it's aimed at kids; the problem is that the writing team assumed that being 8 means you're an idiot.

The plot holds your hand as you watch it, eliminating the need to connect point A to point B. Don't worry, a character will do it for you before delivering a terrible one-liner.

The other writing problem is the flat characters. Anakin is brash and whiny; Ahsoka is brash and whiny, but inexperienced. Woo.

I can't imagine how many parents in the theater were thinking, "Oh, George Lucas, what have you done?"

And though this will betray how nerd-tastic I am, I have a quibble that is too large to let go.

The droids in this movie - the ones in the army - try to be funny.

They're robots, and they're designed to KILL PEOPLE. They don't crack wise - or shouldn't, at least.

Sample scene: The last two surviving clone troopers are surrounded by robots. The lead trooper shouts "We've got you outnumbered!" One of the droids goes, "Oh, really? One, two …" and continues to count the other robot soldiers until he is, of course, vaporized in a flash of laser fire.

Robots don't have friendly combat banter; they relay orders and they kill. At least, that's all they did in the other three movies they've been in.

The only facet of this movie that isn't terrible is the voice acting - Samuel L. Jackson (Mace Windu), Anthony Richards (C-3PO) and Christopher Lee (Count Dooku) return to play their live-action characters. And the rest of the cast is ably aped by a bunch of people I've never heard of.

The most disappointing aspect of the "Clone Wars" movie is that it didn't have to be this way. Pixar has shown that it's possible to make a gorgeous, stylized movie aimed at kids but still has appeal for grown-ups. Someone should have been taking notes.

'Star Wars: The Clone Wars'

Starring: Matt Lanter, Ashley Eckstein

Director: Dave Filoni

Run time: 1 hour, 38 minutes

Rated: PG, for sci-fi action violence throughout, brief language and momentary smoking

Now playing at: Crossroads, College Square

0 stars (out of 5)