I have an acquaintance who is a bigot.

To be honest, I probably have several such acquaintances. My sense is that many of us do, but perhaps we don't always think about it. Perhaps we don't want to.

Some of us don't want to talk about this because we "want to see the good in people." There's a limit. I don't harbor intense hatred for bigots; I simply don't want to be around them.

Many years ago, someone at church used a particular slur to describe me during an informal meeting. The church leadership ignored it, and I left the church.

Some say I should have "let it go" and not let it bother me. For a long time, I wondered if I was wrong because I wasn't willing to go back. I finally realized forgiving and moving on didn't mean I had to return.

I left and stayed gone because the church let me; many considered it easier and safer to expect me to change my expectations or let me leave if I wouldn't. A church should be a haven, not a place where "different" people should be expected to blend in at any cost.

But how often do we do this at church and in our daily lives? How often do we straddle the line between speaking up and keeping the peace?

As I have matured, I have eschewed the company of those who make bigoted remarks. That's not as easy as some would believe. The toughest situations are large get-togethers where downright racist, anti-gay and misogynistic remarks are sometimes made.

The bigoted acquaintance I initially mentioned constantly uses slurs, believing them to be humorous. His remarks are usually about Jews.

I decided to call him on the remarks. I asked, "Do you even know any Jewish people?" The response was "no," and then: "You're not Jewish, are you?"

His question made me pause, because there was fear in his voice. It's ironic, but I'm sure he doesn't want to offend me. Instead, I believe the stream of remarks come from insecurity, immaturity and plain ignorance - a desire to be funny and "folksy."

I'm not Jewish, either culturally or by religious affiliation. That does not matter. To fight bigotry, I must take it personally when anyone is maligned, stereotyped or otherwise attacked.

That's tough. I don't always do what I should. Sometimes I wonder, "Should I have said something?" And when I say something, I worry about how that will be received, too.

So my response to, "You're not Jewish, are you?" was "Are you sure I'm not? I have a Jewish name. How would it change what you say in front of me if you learned I'm Jewish? Does it make it more or less wrong?"

Unfortunately, the result wasn't good. When I have seen the acquaintance since, he has directed the cutting anti-Jewish remarks at me.

He didn't get my point, but I'm glad I spoke up. He knows I don't condone his behavior, even if he doesn't understand why.

What do you believe? Should we say something when bigoted remarks are made? Should we only say something when it's our group(s) being maligned?

What should we say? How should we say it?

Please e-mail me your comments or send them to me via mail in care of the Courier, 501 Commercial St., Waterloo, IA 50701.

(Note your comments and first name may be used in a future column.)