WATERLOO - On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, it is believed God opens the Book of Life.

He reads about our year, organized by chapters of days, weeks and months. He examines our choices, our achievements.

And he sees mistakes.

The Jewish New Year, which was celebrated Sept. 18, marked the beginning of the 10 Days of Repentance, when Jews are encouraged to take time for introspection and consider the sins of the previous year.

But like all monotheistic faiths, God is a forgiving God. After those 10 days, Jews atone. God forgives.

Tonight, on the Day of Atonement - in Hebrew, Yom Kippur - God writes a new Book of Life. Sins are forgiven.

People start anew.

But outside a sanctuary, forgiving and forgetting are not always that easy.

God's forgiveness - a beginning

Yom Kippur's basic principles - to ask for forgiveness, to be forgiven, to forgive - apply to many faiths.

One of the seven sacraments in Catholicism is the sacrament of reconciliation. Each Mass opens with a prayer remembering God's mercy and forgiveness of sins. Protestants also believe in a forgiving God.

When Muslims pray from the Quran each day, several sayings - or in Arabic, hadith - address forgiveness. The Quran also talks about repentance.

While Judaism, Christianity and Islam all believe in a forgiving God, many people of faith say this does not eliminate the need to ask forgiveness from those you have wronged.

Waterloo Catholic Theresa Goatee said going to confession makes her less susceptible to future mistakes. God's forgiveness "strengthens us so we can be more strong and resistant of sins," Goatee said.

But human forgiveness for wrongdoings, grave or otherwise, also can offer strength and healing.

"I believe God is a forgiving God, but that doesn't take care of going to someone else. You still should apologize, make amends. They're two different things," said Suzanne Freedman, a psychology professor at the University of Northern Iowa. She has studied forgiveness for 17 years. She also is Jewish.

Rahdi Al-Mabuk, a Muslim and a UNI professor of psychology also has studied forgiveness. Receiving forgiveness from God makes him a better person, cleansed of sin, he said. But that's just the beginning.

"Then I will have the capacity to forgive someone else. One paves the way for the other," Al-Mabuk said. "A more spiritually cleansed individual will have more compassion for others."

Rabbi David Wolpe, in a Beliefnet column, said sin and forgiveness have been entwined since the Garden of Eden. Eve sinned when she ate the apple. God forgave her.

We forgive in part because we need forgiveness.

"Every one of us has bruised another, has betrayed and ill-treated even those whom we love. Can any marriage, any friendship endure without constant forgiveness?" Wolpe wrote. "What we hope for in the world we must create. We cannot have what we will not give."

The psychology of forgiveness

So faith and forgiveness are intertwined, but forgiving one another can be much more complicated than one ritual or prayer.

When people come to confession at St. Edward's church, the Rev. Dennis Cahill encourages them to let go of grudges or guilt. But he also knows it is not that simple.

"It does take some time, and … a bit of inner work to deal with," Cahill said. "I've referred people to professional counselors if they're really having a tough time in a psychological sense."

Psychologists say forgiveness is an individual process, containing as many as 20 steps. For example, the average time an incest survivor needs to forgive is 14.3 months, said Freedman.

"Religion is on the right path, as they see the importance of forgiveness in life," Freedman said. "I mean, what's the alternative? Revenge? Hatred? Bitterness?"

Religion often lumps together reconciliation and forgiveness. However, psychologists identify reconciliation and forgiveness as different concepts. While you may be able to reconcile with God, reconciling with another person can be much harder, Freedman said. If a friend or loved one has betrayed you, accepting them into your life again may feel impossible.

"In religious forgiveness, you want reconciliation with God again. When you forgive another person, you don't have to reconcile with them," Freedman said. "You can heal in your heart and mind.

"It's not just a magical, spiritual healing you can do quickly," Freedman said. "You give forgiveness when you're ready."

Stacey Palevsky can be contacted at (319) 291-1580 or stacey.palevsky@wcfcourier.com.