CEDAR FALLS - They never meet without two boxes of Kleenex.

Tears are common at meetings for Compassionate Friends, a support group for parents coping with the death of a child. For 25 years in the Cedar Valley, the organization has brought together those who may feel alone in their grief. Talking to people who have endured the same pain helps heal.

Rosina Figenbaum recalls on the day of her daughter, Terri's, funeral, her other daughter, Valerie, insisted on doing her sister's hair. Valerie said she and Terri used to do each other's hair all the time.

Figenbaum's voice cracks. Tears fall from behind wire-rimmed glasses. Judy Hughes crosses the circle and extends the pink tissue box to her friend.

"We know after a child dies, after the funeral, everyone goes back to normal life, and they think we should, too. But that's difficult to do, and those who have had a child die understand that," says Figenbaum, whose daughter died in a car accident four years ago.

Not all recollections are somber. Despite the sensitive nature of the group's discussion, the room feels light. Group members crack jokes. They laugh. They sporadically detail happy memories of their children, like they sift through a mental box of shiny marbles.

"Your life will never be the same," says Connie Collingwood, whose son committed suicide 10 years ago. "But you find ways to get through the hills and valleys, and you learn that when you go down, you know you'll come back up."

Judy and Gary Hughes' daughter also committed suicide two years ago. Ann and Curly Blancher's son died of a mysterious heart condition at age 30, leaving his wife five months pregnant. Helen Burman's son died in a motorcycle accident in 1983.

Compassionate Friends inspires strength in parents who have suffered a tremendous loss, mental health counselor Denise Maas says.

Maas, who spoke at a recent meeting, said parents often feel disconnected from others after a child dies. Compassionate Friends gives members a sense of togetherness and understanding that other people experience the same feelings.

Membership generally hovers around 15. Some people come once and sniffle through a meeting without speaking. Others come a few times a year. Some, like Helen Burman, have attended meetings for 21 years.

One of the most helpful steps in the grieving process, Burman says, is to give to others.

"If I can help someone else, it has benefited me too," she says.

The Cedar Valley members of Compassionate Friends admit they feel a responsibility to share wisdom gained during their own grieving process.

For the past three years, Figenbaum has kept an eye on the obituaries. Every time a child's death is printed, she looks up the parents' home address. As group leader, she sends a sympathy card one month after the death, inviting parents to a Compassionate Friends meeting.

"You get so many cards in those first few days. But it's the ones that come late that are especially meaningful," Figenbaum says. "You're going, 'Somebody is still thinking of us.'"

People assume the first year is the hardest, Figenbaum says, but in actuality, the second is worse.

"That first year, you still have fresh memories," Gary Hughes says.

St. Patrick's Day was his daughter's favorite day of the year. She loved all things green for a month afterward.

"But that second year, you think, wow, it was two years ago now. You never get over it …," he says.

"But you work through it," Judy interjects.

Gary nods in agreement.

"You work through it."

Stacey Palevsky can be reached at (319) 291-1580 or stacey.palevsky@wcfcourier.com.