SHELL ROCK - He didn't decide to return to Vietnam on a whim.

It took Ed Wubbena of Shell Rock - a Vietnam War veteran still troubled by memories and nightmares from his year as a soldier - four decades to feel ready. Once he decided a trip back to Vietnam would be an important step toward healing and closure, Wubbena, 59, had months to prepare, plan and consider the implications of the decision.

But the reality of the venture didn't sink in until Wubbena, traveling with his wife of 39 years, Carla, and their adult son, Chris, stopped for a layover in Seoul, South Korea. Waiting in the airport terminal to catch a plane to Hanoi, Wubbena started to get a little excited.

And anxious.

Surrounded by petite men and women chattering in Vietnamese, Wubbena's thoughts bounced from the war and his 1969, I'm-going-into-enemy-territory mindset to the present and his desire for peace, friendship and understanding. He wondered who had been in the war and who had lost relatives in the fighting.

"A lot of that stuff was going through my head at that time," Wubbena said. "You try to put it in perspective but you can't."

For decades, Wubbena, who suffers from post traumatic stress disorder, didn't talk about the war. Not with his family. Not with anybody.

Then, five years ago, a professor at Wartburg College asked him to speak to a class about the war. Wubbena, a director of maintenance at several buildings at the college, agreed. A friendship with Vietnamese student Nga Nguyen opened his eyes to the possibility of forming positive relationships with the people of Vietnam.

By the time his son, Chris, asked if he would ever like to return to Vietnam, Wubbena wanted to go. The family returned to Vietnam in late July.

A new Vietnam

He remembered well the heat and the humidity. And the smell. Not good or bad, Wubbena added, just distinct and familiar.

Standing near the baggage claim in Hanoi, Wubbena saw a woman jumping up and down and waving her hands. The friendly face was a welcome site after a long journey. It was Nguyen's mother, Loan Duong. Nguyen's family looked after the Wubbenas during their trek.

"That made you feel like you were welcome," Wubbena said.

The Wubbenas took in the busy streets of Hanoi, jam-packed with scooters and bicycles and the serene countryside with lush jungles and rice fields. They spent time in both the northern and southern parts of Vietnam, visiting museums, temples and art exhibits.

The Wubbenas admired the natural beauty of Halong Bay. They also rode a lift up Nui Ba Den, a mountain in southwestern Vietnam, near Cambodia. During the war, Wubbena fired howitzers at the land mass.

A visit to the War Remnants Museum in Ho Chi Minh City, however, proved to be emotionally trying and by far the worst moment of the trip, Carla said. The museum told the story of the war from a North Vietnamese perspective and included graphic images.

"It was too explicit,"Carla said.

Letters from friends at Wartburg, distributed by Carla to Wubbena throughout the trip, offered steady doses of encouragement. Sometimes, comfort and well-wishes came from perfect strangers.

While sightseeing, sometimes Vietnamese would start conversations with the trio of Americans. Someone would ask if Wubbena had ever been to Vietnam before and just like that, the topic of the war came up.

A woman in her 70s told Wubbena he was lucky to be alive. The president of the Vietnam Fine Art Association who fought for the North stressed the importance of looking to the future. A 6-year-old child jotted down addresses with possible intentions of becoming a pen pal. A stranger in one city gave the Wubbenas his phone number, in case they needed help during their stay.

"We had a lot of conversations," he said.

Chris, too, was amazed by the direction that conversations about the war took.

"They want to not just know about him. They wanted to comfort him in a way," he said. "They wanted to let him know that everything is OK now."

Chris, an assistant art professor at Southeast Missouri State University, is working on a collaborative, multi-media art project that documents his dad's journey. He says he also hopes to explore perceptions of the country then and now from Vietnamese and American perspectives. He plans to bring the exhibit to Iowa and also Vietnam.

Closure is still evasive for Wubbena. But he doesn't regret the trip. Not every veteran may find such a journey helpful, but he says he is grateful for the chance to create new memories and friendships.

"I am glad I had the opportunity," Wubbena said.

"We were lucky," Carla added.

Chris thinks his father's efforts to experience Vietnam in a new way is already helpful to Wubbena and to veterans who hear his story.

"He sees the cities differently. He sees the places differently. He sees the people differently," Chris said. "… That doesn't replace the memories, but it kind of fortifies new memories and gives him something to help him through these hard times," he added.

On Friday, Wubbena will speak about his recent travels to Vietnam at 4 p.m. at Joe's Knight Hawk in Waverly. He plans to give another talk at a later date at Wartburg.

To see more photographs and to read a blog about the trip, go to http://speakingwhilelistening.blogspot.com/. To learn more about Chris Wubbena's art project and the trip to Vietnam, go to Chris Wubbena: artist on Facebook.