SHELL ROCK - He hears it is a beautiful country, rich in art and culture. The narrow, S-shaped nation in Southeast Asia has bustling cities and quiet country villages. Among its natural beauty are rolling hills and mountains, dense forests, winding rivers, islands and unspoiled beaches.

Ed Wubbena, 59, of Shell Rock, believes this to be true of Vietnam today. But his stint in the country 40 years ago created a much different impression. Like some who fought, Wubbena's memories of the country and its people reflect the fear and violence he faced. He is still troubled by the experience.

"I see it as dirty. I see it as bloody," Wubbena said. " … I see it as not good. A bad place."

The kind, happy-go-lucky Army veteran wants very much to change the painful associations. Wubbena hopes a trip to Vietnam this month will help crowd out upsetting memories with uplifting images.

"I'm going there with an open mind, and I hope I can see it differently."

He didn't always take that perspective. As a 19-year-old just home from the jungle, Wubbena wanted to forget, marry his sweetheart and get on with life. On many levels, he achieved normalcy.

He has been married to his wife, Carla, for 39 years, is a father and grandfather. The couple have good jobs at Wartburg College. They saved enough money to build a nice home, with their own hands.

But for Wubbena, nightmares and flashbacks about his year in Vietnam keep internal peace at bay. Unwanted memories intruded on Fourth of July celebrations and ruined sleep on other nights.

After more than 30 years of trying to forget, Wubbena decided to take a different approach. Five years ago, he started speaking to Wartburg students about his wartime experiences. He also has gone to great lengths to connect with some of the men he served with.

On July 25, Wubbena will return to where it all started.

"I know I've got to talk about it, and it hurts, but I gotta talk about it."

Unlikely friendship

A couple of years ago, a slight young woman stopped Wubbena in a hallway on campus in Waverly. She asked for a summer job.

Wubbena, maintenance director for several buildings, hired Nga Nguyen, then a college student. He remembers she helped with various projects, washing windows and cleaning rooms, but avoided ladders because of a fear of heights.

Over time, a friendship developed. Over time, Wubbena and Nguyen exchanged details about their lives. The relationship influenced Wubbena's decision, in part, to return to Nguyen's homeland.

"She's good for me, I think," he said.

Last semester, Nguyen coached her boss on his Vietnamese language skills and gave him a rundown on some of the places he will visit: an ancient temple, art exhibits, former combat zones. Nguyen's parents, residents of the capital city, Hanoi, and other relatives will host Wubbena. They are taking care to plan a thorough visit.

Nguyen can't make the trip, but Carla Wubbena and the couple's son, Chris, are going.

Wubbena showed Nguyen a book that includes phrases he thinks will be useful.

"Keep working on it. I know you can do it," she said.

He read a sentence in English and looked to Nguyen for help with pronunciation in Vietnamese. They practiced for several minutes. Wubbena is eager to learn but suggested he faces a steep learning curve.

"I just keep trying to say it to myself, but you know I don't know if I'm saying them right."

Nguyen is encouraging but can't resist teasing. Though the Wubbenas will have access to a translator, she recommends Ed keep the book within easy reach.

"You should have a big pocket so that you can keep it in there all the time," she said.

Her family is eager to meet the family, and Nguyen wants Wubbena to know her countrymen as she sees them: peaceful. Between lessons and advice, Nguyen offered a sympathetic thought.

"I hope that the memories that haunted you, they will lessen."

Possibilities

Well into planning the trip, Wubbena learned Nguyen's father spent 10 months as a soldier in North Vietnam's army. He was discharged with a hearing injury.

Focused on the present, Wubbena never bothered to ask about the family's allegiance. But that was a long time ago.

"It doesn't matter to me anymore," Wubbena said.

Years ago, such a relationship and candid discussions were beyond the realm of possibility for Wubbena.

Dave Fredrick, associate director for international recruitment at Wartburg, once asked Wubbena if he would host a Vietnamese exchange student in his home. At the time, Wubbena worried the war might came up in discussion, and the idea was too overwhelming to consider.

"I told him no. I didn't know how it was going to work."

Today, he would welcome the opportunity. For several years, the Wubbenas have hosted students and mentored international students from a variety of countries.

When Nguyen mentioned she would play percussion in a band concert, Wubbena attended like a proud parent. Nguyen's mother, Loan Duong, made her first trip to the United States that weekend to watch the performance and to attend her daughter's graduation.

The Wubbenas saw an opportunity to get acquainted with their future host in Vietnam. Chris Wubbena, who lives in Missouri, also attended the dinner.

After welcoming Duong into their home, Wubbena gave her a tour of the yard. At Nguyen's request, Carla fixed meatloaf, though she wondered that an ordinary American dish would stand out as anything special.

The two families made small talk about the similarities and differences between Vietnamese and American cuisine, modes of travel, housing and weather.

"I think, for me, I feel much more comfortable going, and seeing how much we have in common is going to add to the fun in a way," Chris said.

Duong is also excited about the trip. She said the Vietnamese welcome tourists, particularly Americans, and are eager to improve relations between the two countries.

"I am very glad that you will spend time in Vietnam," Duong said.

"You come, and then you will understand Vietnam. You will love all the people in Vietnam."

Journey

The Wubbenas hope the trip will have a far-reaching impact beyond Wubbena's personal journey. His son, Chris, credited with first suggesting the idea, thinks others will benefit from his father's strides toward reconciliation.

Chris is an assistant art professor at Southeast Missouri State University but previously taught at the University of Northern Iowa. He plans to document his father's trip with video and interpret the experience with etchings and sculptures. He hopes to share his father's story by displaying the final product in Northeast Iowa and, one day, Vietnam.

The cost of the trip and planned art project, however, is significant, according to the family. Wartburg officials, impressed with Wubbena's quest, are helping raise money.

Gary Grace, vice president for administration at Wartburg, hopes the trip strengthens the college's ties to Vietnam. Grace said Wubbena humbly conveys the college's mission, serving others and supporting students without trying to draw attention to himself.

Grace thinks Wubbena "has something very significant to offer others."

The two men work in the same building, and Grace enjoys conversations with Wubbena about his progress and aspirations.

"Every time I do, I just leave more and more impressed," Grace said.

Wubbena is excited but anxious as his departure date approaches. He isn't sure what he'll think, feel or experience. He expects returning to Vietnam will hurt some, and the trip may very well stir up difficult memories. In the end, he hopes it will help himself, his family and other veterans who are also struggling.

Carla believes everything is falling into place.

"It's like it's meant to be," she said.

"I think it's going to be good for all of us, really, for all of us."