NEW HARTFORD - At 9 months old, Niall Maxwell Stallman doesn't yet understand much of what his father says. Sure, he knows his dad's smile and the warmth of his hugs. But it will be a long time before Niall truly understands the man behind the actions.

Delayne Stallman has a plan to make that happen. Stallman has been writing to his son since before the boy was born. He'll give his firstborn the volume of letters when Niall is an adult. By that time, his letters will fill several thousand pages.

Thursday, August 24, 2006. Late.

We had a doctor appointment this morning at 10:20. Apparently you're going to be a larger-than-average baby, the doctor predicted about eight pounds or a little more. I weighed over 10 and a half pounds, but the doctor said my weight as a baby doesn't have as much influence on your weight. I think you're going to be big. …

Stallman's effort is part of a growing trend to leave a family legacy that has nothing to do with money or material possessions. Instead, he wants to bequeath to his son values and beliefs to guide him through adulthood.

They're called ethical wills, and can range from a one-page written summary to volumes likes Stallman's. Dr. Barry Baines, author of "Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values on Paper," says ethical wills date back to Biblical times, with the first mention of them in the book of Genesis when Jacob dispenses words of wisdom to his sons.

Many who write ethical wills intend for them to be read by loved ones after their death. Jim Wager, an lawyer with Gartelos, Wagner and Ament, says about twice year he gets requests from clients that some type of message conveying their values be added to their last will and testament.

"It's not legally binding in any way," Wagner said. "Most of the time people just want to get something off their chest and feel good about their life."

Wagner recalls one instance in which a man expressed his religious beliefs, encouraging his loved ones to place confidence in those beliefs.

Stallman will not wait for his own demise to pass along written words of wisdom to his son. He hopes the letters will help his son navigate life's winding roads. The letters include everything from daily mundane experiences to reactions to life-changing events.

Monday, September 11, 2006. 11:34pm.

We were at Ground Zero three years ago today, on the morning of September 11th, 2003 while the victims' names were being read. I called mom from my cell phone, and she was watching the names being read on TV. I could hear it through my phone, with a slight delay, and it was almost impossible to convince myself I was actually there, with it all happening just a short distance from me. The site was a huge hole in the ground at that point, with a dirt ramp leading down to the lower portion of the hole. The area was so incredibly big; I couldn't believe how big those buildings must've been. It was hard to accept that where we stood on a beautiful, cool, clear morning was the same place which had become a mass grave exactly two years earlier, to the minute.

"I'm always going to be ahead of him. I'm already married, I've already lived in the real world with experiences good and bad. For me it comes down to navigation. (Niall) can see this as an aerial view map," Stallman said.

Stallman writes the letters on his laptop in a conversational style. There are stories to evoke laughter and joy, and stories that aren't as rosy, like car accidents and family conflict. Stallman emphasizes the letters are not meant to "pass on a bunch of baggage," rather to illustrate that sometimes life inevitably pitches a curveball or two.

"There's value in him seeing me struggle and how I handled it. It's important that he knows I didn't go off the deep end," he said.

Stallman keeps three backups of the letters should his computer experience a meltdown, and he has thought of printing out copies and keeping them in a safe deposit box at his bank.

He'll give the letters to Niall in 2032, when the boy turns 25.

"There will be times I'm tempted to give them to him early, but I chose 25 because he'll be out on his own, and maybe he'll even have his own kids. There will be a lot of relevant things in there to guide him."

Stallman hopes the letters will help Niall avoid some of life's pitfalls.

"I'm not saying I have all the answers by any means, but aside from guidance, I just want him to know who I am. I would like him to know we put a lot of forethought in the environment he grew up in."

Contact Meta Hemenway-Forbes at (319) 291-1483 or meta.hemenway-forbes@wcfcourier.com.

{M3Leave your own legacy

{M3Don't know where to start? Ethicalwills.com, created by Barry Baines, author of "Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values on Paper," offers tips to help you get started. Baines suggests that, over time, you write down a few words or a sentence or two about things like:

- My beliefs and opinions

- Things I did to act on my values

- Something I learned from grandparents, parents, siblings, spouse, children

- Something I learned from experience

- Something I am grateful for

- My hopes for the future

- Important events in your life

- Imagine that you only had a limited time left to live. What would you regret not having done?