I just read that disgraced former Congressman Tom DeLay, who conveniently retired after being indicted for money-laundering and a bunch of other nasty ethics violations, will be a "celebrity contestant" on "Dancing With the Stars" when it returns next month. Somewhere Michael Vick's agent must be slapping himself upside the head and wondering why he didn't think of that. What better way to rehab a reeking image than to put on a zoot suit and murder the Charleston in front of God and Tom Bergeron?

That sharply irritatingly noise you hear is the sound of the bottom of the barrel being scraped, my hons.

To tell the truth, I have always had a certain fondness for the assortment of plucky downwardly mobile celebs who tend to get cast in "DWTS." Your Jane Seymours. Your Adam Corrollas. Your Harry Hamlins. It's kind of nice to see the cute kid from some '80s sitcom all grown up and fox-trotting in a game attempt to recapture the glory days of Urkel, et al.

I mean it. Nothing would make me happier than to see, for instance, the two Coreys resurfacing on "DWTS" to samba and what not.

But Tom DeLay? Why not Scooter Libby? Eliot Spitzer? Larry Craig (already known to be good at "tap dancing" in airport stalls)? John Edwards? What's next? An Argentine tango demonstration by (amazingly, still) South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford?

DeLay, it has been widely reported, is so excited about his quest for the big, sparkly disco-ball trophy that he has gone out and lost 12 pounds in preparation for the big competition. It's a conundrum, isn't it? All that weight loss and he remains completely full of crap.

DeLay's wife says he's a very good dancer, and I'm sure she's telling the truth. He has figuratively danced all around ethics investigators and waltzed around the truth for years. I'm sure he's terrific, but I think he should get to try out all his moves at the Elks Lodge on Saturday night, not in front of a weary nation.

And we are weary with corrupt politicians and creepy public figures. There is not a doubt in my mind that, right this moment, disgraced former Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, still smarting from not being able to get permission to join the cast of "I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here" (on account of those pesky criminal proceedings against him) is trying desperately to get the "DWTS" gig.

Now that the bar has been set lower than a snake in snowshoes, why not let him do it? And, sure, Michael Vick, too, if things don't work out with the Eagles. Just make sure when he puts on the dog, he's not really … well, you get the idea.