JOHN ROSEMOND | Posted: Saturday, May 5, 2007 12:00 am
Q: John, several other parents have told me about your "ticket" method for dealing with misbehavior, but I wonder if I can get it straight from "the horse's mouth."
A: I originally crafted the ticket method more than 25 years ago, in response to the observation that time-out works with kids who are already fairly well-behaved. A more powerful message is required for children whose misbehavior exceeds "occasionally" and "childish."
Tickets can either supplement time-out or substitute for it. You'll need a magnetic clip, three to five "tickets" cut from colored construction paper and a list of no more than five problem behaviors, as in "refusing to do what I tell you to do," "ignoring me when I speak to you," "yelling at me when I do not give you what you want," and the like. For pre-readers, simple drawings can substitute for word descriptions, but if parents are consistent with enforcement, this isn't necessary.
The method is simple enough for most 3-year-olds to grasp, but with children younger than 42 months, I recommend starting with one "target" behavior and five tickets. When the initial misbehavior is under control, a second can be added to the program. The target behavior(s) are posted on the refrigerator. The tickets are put in the magnetic clip, which is also affixed to the refrigerator.
Every time the child exhibits a target behavior, the parent on the scene takes the child to the refrigerator and says, "(The behavior) is on your list, which means I'm taking a ticket." The parent takes a ticket out of the clip and places it on top of the refrigerator. If the child will cooperate, a time-out of five to 15 minutes also can be enforced. Certain outrageous behaviors - hitting, for example - can result in the loss of more than one ticket at a time.
The child begins every day with a certain number of tickets. When they have all been lost, the child spends the rest of the day in his room and goes to bed one hour early. The next day, the proverbial slate is wiped clean - all of the child's tickets are restored and the procedure begins anew.
The success of the program depends on parents observing the "Referee's Rule": no threats, warnings, or second chances. When the child misbehaves, it is essential that parents not say things like "Do you want to lose a ticket?" or "If you don't do what I just told you to do, I'm going to take a ticket." Also, lost tickets cannot be earned back with good behavior or acts of service.
As the child's behavior improves, the number of tickets can be gradually reduced so as to keep pressure on the child's progress. Generally speaking, full rehab takes six to 12 weeks, after which the child will be perfectly behaved, forever.
My editors have compelled me to admit that those last nine words constitute a gross exaggeration. They also took one of my tickets. I'll do better, I promise.