WATERLOO -- For more than 25 years, attorney Theresa Hoffman has watched families play tug of war with the estates of deceased loved ones.

And while family squabbles over money, real estate and other items of substantial value are common, the biggest battles often ensue over items with seemingly little or no value.

Hoffman, who specializes in estate planning, trusts, probate and wills, said personal effects of the deceased -- like Grandma's tea kettle or Grandpa's pipe -- can be cause for discord if more than one family member feels an emotional attachment to it.

"I've had to negotiate fights over dust pans and dish rags," said Hoffman, a partner with Beecher, Field, Walker, Morris, Hoffman & Johnson law firm.

Unfortunately, the bickering often starts as soon as the deceased is laid to rest.

"That's the final goodbye. Then it becomes their torch to carry," said Paul Grarup, a partner with Hagarty-Waychoff-Grarup Funeral Service. "At the funeral home, they have to come together as a family and address the immediate situation (of funeral services and burial). When everything is done, then it can become every man for himself."

Family skirmishes over sentimental items can be avoided, though, with a little advance planning by both the family and the items' owner prior to death, says Janet Brown, a family life field specialist with Iowa State University Extension.

Brown regularly presents, "Who Gets Grandma's Yellow Pie Plate?", a free workshop series that helps families navigate inheritance.

"When it does come time to divide it up, if the owner of the property hasn't said, 'I want you to have my butter dish or chair or heirloom,' this is where the conflict happens within families. We often will assume we're the only one interested in it. Invariably when I do this program we hear stories about family relationships that have ended over what they deem as unfair distribution," she said.

The goal of Brown's workshop is to help families divide heirlooms, not heirs. Ideally, she said, prior to death a person should discuss with family members how items of sentimental value will be meted out.

Hoffman said the law provides that anyone can create an itemized list to keep with their last will and testament stating what will happen with those items.

Survivors also may choose to draw numbers to determine the order in which they'll settle on items. Family members also may stage a private auction of personal effects using evenly distributed Monopoly money to "purchase" items that hold sentimental value to them.

When consensus can't be reached, disputes can drag out in the court system "sometimes as long as the family wants it to drag on," Hoffman said.

A will, however, can cut disputes to the quick. Stipulations may note that if consensus among survivors isn't reached within a designated time frame, the executor may donate the items to charity.

"It's the idea that if it doesn't mean enough for them to get along, we're going to give it to someone who needs it," Hoffman said.