Posted: Saturday, February 9, 2008 12:00 am
Rebecca Hoyt is a stay-at-home mother of 10.
I don't like to brag, but I've changed approximately 52,750 diapers in my lifetime. And the first 38,325 were cloth, not disposable. (This does not include the five or six that my husband took care of, but since he fixes the computers, maintains the vehicles and continues construction of our house expansion, I try not to make a big deal about his laxity in the diaper department.)
Getting back to my humble accountings, I cringed when I added up the number of pounds gained over 10 full-term pregnancies … 500. Count 'em. Five-Hundred pounds! It sounds like the kind of story you read while waiting in the grocery check-out line with a cart full of cupcakes. I eventually lost the weight each time, but looking back, I certainly wish I'd had the self-discipline to only gain the recommended 250-350 pounds that doctors advise.
The number of months pregnant would add up to 7 1/2 years. That's close to one-seventh of my life so far, which is why I'm hoping to live to 100 and cut the ratio to one-fourteenth. They make wheelchairs with built-in calculators, don't they?
And let's not forget varicose veins. I have a color-coded file that shows which pregnancy corresponds to every bulbous network. I've even taken time to point out specific areas to the offending child. "See that purple blotch below my knee that looks like Des Moines? All because of you, Dear." I think it's important that mothers and children share special moments together.
Before this sounds too much like a litany of complaints, let me hasten to add that these imperfections are not so much the sorry musings of regret, but more a recounting of scars earned in honorable battle. I'm aware of the price my anatomy's paid for 19 years of childbearing, but I feel the trade-off is perfectly acceptable.
Glancing down the family church pew on Sundays helps me forget my lagging metabolism. After all, one of those very children could grow up and develop a weight-loss technique revolving primarily around chocolate. Unsightly bulging veins could also be erased by future advances in technology. Until then, hide them. Why else would God allow the creation of Capri pants?
It may be true that I move a little slower than I did in my 20s, but this too, has its advantages. I'm modeling controlled behavior and instilling respect for the elderly in my younger children. Granted, admonitions such as, "No running in the house - I could fall and break my hip," may leave them slightly confused, but they get the picture that racing around indoors is frowned upon. Even the occasional dizzy spell is seen in a new light when I realize that others will have to clean under the couch.
Old is beautiful, baby. The only thing I would change would be disposable diapers, sooner.