Q: My kids never help around the house unless I berate them into doing so. I know this is my fault as much as theirs, but I want to turn it around. How can I get my kids to carry their weight?

A: Parents have been complaining that their kids don't pull their weight around the house for as long as there have been kids. As in previous generations, today's parents find themselves saying things like, "Kids these days …." or "When I was a kid …"

Recent research, however, seems to indicate that kids these days actually are qualitatively different than their parents and do fewer chores than we did. Is it that we're pampering our children because we felt overworked ourselves and don't want to subject them to the same horrors we experienced? Have children somehow developed an exaggerated sense of self worth and entitlement? Or is it that by the time the kids get home from swimming and soccer and karate and piano lessons, eat, and do their homework, there's no time or energy left for chores?

Doesn't really matter. What's important is that we as parents require our kids to hold up their end of the household responsibilities.

Here are a few tips to get the process started.

Start as soon as possible. As with any family habit, starting them young is the easiest way to establish and maintain the practice of helping around the house.

Make your expectations reasonable - then insist that they be met. A short list of daily chores and a separate list of once-a-week jobs is reasonable. Make sure the tasks are age-appropriate and otherwise manageable, then make sure they get done before any privileges are enjoyed. Early and careful monitoring is crucial.

Praise a job well done. Let them know when the expectations have been met - and when they haven't.

Write your chores down and put them on the fridge right next to theirs. A cursory comparison will quickly silence most complaints and make it clear that everyone really is contributing.

Don't tie allowances to chores. Everyone in the family has to pull his or her weight. Paying children for doing basic chores can make them feel entitled to compensation for anything they're asked to do.

Create rewards and consequences. Give rewards, like pizza on Saturday night or a family movie night if the week's chores were done well. When they aren't done well, consequences, such as a loss of privileges, prepares the child for the natural consequences and responsibilities of adult life.