A couple of weeks ago, a friend sent me a copy of John Wall's letter of divorcement. Wall suggests that since the right and left have had a sad and deteriorating relationship for so long, it may be time for a divorce.

The divorce need not be contentious. As Wall states, "We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way."

Assets will be divided on the basis of what each already owns and what means the most to each.

Wall suggests that the left could keep redistributive taxes, liberal judges and the ACLU.

We will keep our firearms, the cops and the military. We also will keep capitalism, corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street.

The left can keep the homeless, homeboys and illegal aliens. We'll keep Alaskan hockey moms, CEOs and rednecks. The left gets NBC and Hollywood.

We'll keep Bibles and Judeo-Christian values. We'll keep SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. The left can keep the god-of-week and cars that run on weeds, soy grease and electricity that is generated from anything except coal and nuclear power. I added that last part.

I thought this was such a great idea that I wanted to mention some other things that could be awarded in the settlement.

The left gets to keep Detroit, Buffalo, Cincinnati, Cleveland, Miami, St. Louis, El Paso, Milwaukee, Philadelphia and Newark.

Why does the left get to keep these fine cities? None of these municipalities have had a conservative (let alone a Republican) administration for 48 to 129 years. These also are, according to the Census Bureau, the top 10 cities in the nation with the highest poverty rates.

In Iowa, the left gets to keep the largest cities. As the last several elections have shown, they already own them. We get all the rural counties.

We get to keep all the coal and nuclear power plants. We also get all the coal and oil fields along with the uranium deposits. The left either has no interest in these or doesn't want anything to do with them.

The left can keep political correctness. They can have all the laws regulating "hate" speech and almost all the ideas that "everyone" agrees with. We will maintain the original context of the Constitution's concept of free speech.

The left can keep the "top" scientists who maintain that global warming is human-caused and claim that unless we completely change our economic system, our political systems, human relationships and outdated concepts of freedom, we are all going to die. We will keep the scientists who could survive without a government grant and who have the courage to follow what the data actually tell them.

We will keep rights that are God-given and that a government cannot grant and should not remove. The left can keep rights granted by the government.

This means that the left can keep the right to health care, the right to an education, the right to a house and the right to whatever else will win an election next year.

Since "rights" are rights, they also have to be almost free, which means that they have to be paid for by someone who is actually producing something. We are fine with that, as long as the left allows the producers to come with us if they so choose.

We get to keep the part of the government that maintains the rule of law and is prohibited from making any transfer payments. The left can have all the rest.

The left also can keep all government-subsidized art, music, poetry and dance.

Oh, and to sweeten the deal, we would be willing to trade Washington, D.C., and New York for North Dakota and South Dakota, Montana and Wyoming.

That will keep the left happy until they think about it for a moment or two.