Last week, a UCLA study reported that if Iowa would just legalize same-sex marriages, it would be, in the words of writer Dan Gearino, "? a boon to the state economy."

Unmentioned in the article is that the so-called "study" was done by a group supported by the Lesbian & Gay Bar Association. No, that is not a group of pub crawlers. It is an organization of lawyers with a very sharp ax to grind.

We learned that same-sex marriage is not only good for certain couples, but good for the state budget, potentially bringing in more than $5 million in additional taxes.

I like the logic of this.

Every responsible scientist knows that sexual orientation is complex. It is actually a continuum from one extreme of pure genetics to the other extreme of environmental learning. One man is attracted to a woman for genetic reasons, one because he has learned to like her, and most men because of a complicated mixture involving genetics, culture, group norms, reinforcement and who you happen to be around at any given moment.

It would be difficult, for example, to argue that sexual compulsive feelings generated by shoes are a result of genetics, for the simple fact that for most of the human history we didn't wear shoes. Of course, we could argue that feet have some sort of Freudian subconscious symbolic relationship to genitals, and that susceptibility to archetypes is genetic, but we could also argue that we are all descendants of apes who were placed here off UFOs from Alpha Centuri, whose residents had nothing better to do one afternoon before the dawn of the first ice age.

This whole sexual thing then becomes more complicated because behavior need not be the same as orientation. I know some men who are raving heterosexuals, who have uncontrolled panting around young women, but still managed to marry only one, and even though their urges are genetic and immediate (and obviously not of their own choosing), manage to stay faithfully married to one woman.

For some reason, we are now asked to believe that this may all be true, unless you are gay, lesbian, bisexual or inordinately attracted to yourself, in which case it is all and totally genetic. Consequently, and in such cases, you are subject to all the rules, laws, torts and political correctness of people who can't control their skin color and were once enslaved because of their unfortunate genetics ? and to even bring this up is hateful, and everyone knows that "hate" speech is unprotected speech, which is worse than unprotected sex, and perhaps you will die a horrible death for being so intolerant.

But in the spirit of the "study" done at UCLA, I would like to make several proposals.

Why stop with same-sex marriage? I can only imagine that there are lots of polygamous couples who could be taxed in Iowa if only they could co-inhabit legally between the Mississippi to the Missouri.

Who is to say that three (or four or maybe more) consenting adults who love each other shouldn't be married? Who can make such judgments without being ? well, judgmental?

Then there is the issue of one consenting adult. I'm sure the Bar Association could make an argument explaining why marriage should not be denied a man, or woman, or bisexual, who loves their dog and promises to keep, cherish, and obey until untimely and unfair death takes the loved one away.

And while we are talking about one consenting adult, think of all the money we could make by allowing ? Oh. Maybe even tax loving and understanding Iowans wouldn't want to go there.

The big bucks, however, are not in marriage, but in tolerance.

Tolerance, after all, is where it's at. I bet there is a ton of tax money out there in legalized prostitution. We could even set aside a certain percent to aid those sexually addicted.

Even more, we could feel good about ourselves while rolling in the tax dollars. Enlightened and nonjudgmental Iowans could be the first in the nation to recognize the ladies of the night as purveyors of a valid occupation. Democrats in Des Moines could "fight" for their right to unionize.

Just as lotteries solved our education problems and casinos removed the need for property tax, gay, lesbian and bisexual marriage and the tax bennies from sexual liberation will surely solve whatever tax needs could possibly remain.